The Great Battery Debate: Is an RV Under a Carport More Dangerous Than a Solar Farm?

Few topics divide a rural community like batteries.

Not the small ones in the TV remote. The big ones. The ones that sit quietly in a container, or in the belly of an RV, storing power and, according to some residents, intentions.

At a recent public meeting, the debate reached a new level of intensity when one attendee rose to ask a question our team has been unable to stop thinking about: if a large battery facility is a risk to wildlife, what about the RV under the carport down the road?

The room went quiet. Somewhere, we like to imagine, a Spotted Pinyon Jay leaned in.

Comparing the Threats

Our Senior Habitat Speculation Officer has prepared a side-by-side assessment.

The Solar Farm - Hundreds of acres. - Fences, roads and very large batteries. - Reviewed in documents several inches thick. - Spotted Pinyon Jays affected: unknown.

The RV Under the Carport - Approximately one carport. - One battery bank, two lawn chairs and a satellite dish. - Reviewed by no one, except the neighbor. - Spotted Pinyon Jays affected: also unknown.

"On paper, the solar farm is clearly larger," said the Senior Habitat Speculation Officer. "But the RV is closer to the bird feeder. And the bird feeder is closer to the woods. And the woods are where the bird is not seen most often."

The Question of Scale

Critics of our analysis argue that comparing a single RV to a utility-scale project is unfair.

We agree. It is unfair. Which is why we tried to adjust for scale.

Our analysts calculated how many RVs under carports it would take to equal one solar farm. The figure is very large. Our analysts then calculated how many Spotted Pinyon Jays would be disturbed by that many RVs. The figure is zero, which matches our estimate for the solar farm.

"So the risk is identical," the Chief of Avian Uncertainty concluded. "Further study is needed."

Voices From the Community

A resident who asked not to be identified said the RV in question "has been there since before anybody cared about birds," and that it "has never once bothered a jay."

Another resident, who also asked not to be identified, said that was "exactly what an RV would want you to think."

The owner of the RV could not be reached for comment, because the RV, appropriately, was out camping.

Our Position

The Spotted Pinyon Jay Conservation Initiative takes no position on batteries of any size. We do, however, believe that every battery deserves the same level of scrutiny, and that the scrutiny should be applied at a public meeting, in the evening, for as long as possible.

We further recommend that anyone storing energy near pinyon-juniper woodland post a small sign reading "Spotted Pinyon Jay Habitat (Theoretically)." We sell one in our shop. Actually, we do not. But we have thought about it a great deal.

For a real conversation about birds and energy, start with the real Pinyon Jay: a social, seed-caching jay of the interior West whose population has declined. Real birds benefit most from real habitat, carefully protected.

The Spotted Pinyon Jay is fictional. This post is satire. The real Pinyon Jay is not.